with a bowtie
yes, a bowtie
Ok, so at my work we have our usual lunch table topics: drugs, sex, potty humor, or combinations thereof. Yes, we usually end up talking about those three things in some variation or make up new hip words to use around the office. The newest word so far is “dickweed” which is a old insult that has found a new breathe of life in our little world.
Anyways, yesterday we topped all other conversations we’ve ever had with the invention of the “pimped out flasher coat” (that’s what I call it anyway).
Whenever I walk in to work every morning I end up glistening with sweat from the walk when I get to my desk. As it turns out, it’s a good idea to remove your coat when you walk into the building because of the temperature change. Here I thought I was just a fat ass that had no stamina. So Ken* was talking about how he and Wade* were walking in one day and through the revolving door Wade whipped off his coat and put it in his bag. Ken said it was like Superman changing from Clark Kent. I blurted out, “Next thing you know he’s naked.” Wade said, “Yeah, I was wearing my flashing coat.”
Everyone laughed, then Wade held up his hands to his ribs said, “It’s like this short though so I don’t know why people aren’t shocked when I flash them.” And this is where the conversation went on a crazy tangent. Molly* suggested that he get a stiffy that’s timed with the opening of the flashing coat. Well, this would be difficult to achieve multiple times. Then Molly suggested tying a string to Mr. Happy Pants so it’s lifted upon the opening of the flashing coat. We all quiped in with further suggestions each one topping the next…
- the string also has a bell on it so Mr. Happy Pants jingles too
- a spotlight on the inside of the coat to shine down on it
- then glitter comes out from the back in a shimmer effect
- a white dove flies out
- an angelic chorus sings “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH”
- and Mr. Happy Pants is wearing a bow tie
I laughed so hard my stomach muscles were hurting and I had tears in my eyes. 
* names have been changed to protect the dirty.
